First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
