Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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