I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
