Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
