as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just invented taco cereal.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
