im six kinds of drunk right now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
