even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
