I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
