Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
