I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
