where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
