mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
