Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
