I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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