You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
