What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
