the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
