You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
