Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
