wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
