Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are the jesus of drinking
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
