In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
