You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
