The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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