No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
