i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
