I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am midnight drunk by noon
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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