hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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