She said her name was "party"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
