I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He told me they were just razor bumps!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
