I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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