grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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