It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
