I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
