I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
