But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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