no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
