youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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