ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
