they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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