She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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