are you still at the devil's house?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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