i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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