Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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