In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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