what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
