Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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