the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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