i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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