how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
