So drunk its hurt
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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