addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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